Sadiant Lands - My Recent and Most Significant Beginnings
In my most significant beginning, my great grandfather was an Army General who was in both WWI and WWII. He created the town Walden Hills, Ohio and as you can imagine a family wealth legacy that still continues to this day as every little plot of land was sub divided for new surburban homes.
Fast forward to 1969, my mother gives birth to me at 16 years old after having sex with most likely a horny family relative or family friend (as far as I can tell because my father isn’t llisted on my birth certificate) and the only reason I’m alive is because they believed they would go to Hell in the afterlife if my mother had an abortion because they were Catholic. So, not born out of love. Born out of fear of a post humanous survival not in Hell because of religion. Let’s just get that straight.
I’ve actually found my Mother in Independence, Ohio who works at the vet clinic. She wants nothing to do with me.
Fuck you Mom and the entire family.
This is very different from the story I was told as a child by my adopted parents who also had interesting motives for my adoption.
They were recently married and my adopted Mother was unable to get pregnant so they believed it was a noble thing to adopt. Lucky me right?
Things may have turned out a bit differently had my Mom never had her first born child, my step brother I guess is what you would call him six years later.
It was also around this time that I had my childhood trauma event that involved alot of blood, a lengthly hospital stay and the Hell’s Angels who resided in an abandoned house at the end of our street.
I’d like to understand more of that event, however my mind has safely guarded most of the details and I’ve been told for my own sanity and protection. Perhaps this just adds to the curiousity and mystery and unfortunate never closure I may have with it.
This event changed my personality, I was exhibitning autistic traits for about a year and I can truly remember how my parents behaved toward me before and after this event took place. They believed that since I could not remember, they were not going to remind me and everything would be fine.
Sorry, everything wasn’t fine and it bubbled to the surface.
This stress continued all through my schooling and tapered out after high school.
I grew attached to working because my adopted father was a worker, hard worker, retired as a Hearst newspaper publisher.
However, I never felt a part of his fortune, never felt I was owed an inheritance or really anything from him for better or for worse and the connection I had was not what my step brother experienced.
All the relatives on both sides of the family were all cordial and polite and caring but this was very superfiscal, mosty by obligation and responsibility which is ok as well, let’s just be honest and call it for what it is.
Most relative ties became very distant and we were spread all around America anyways so it was not easy keeping in touch with everyone although when we saw each other it was a great experience.
All this had changed for me in 2008.
In a unexpected series of events that no one in the family ever dreamed I could ever accomplish, I was married and had three children with a high paying IT job that supported everyone. Which grew from nothing in 1991.
I also saw it all falling away, the complete and utter demise of all my efforts or as in my belief system, it was all God’s to begin with and now God must have a different plan.
Looking back there were so many events and variables in play that its really challenging giving just my perspective on just exactly why it all happened.
I can tell you key actions that my adopted father did and had he chose not to do them, things would be different. Fuck Him!
I can tell you key actions that my wife did and had she been in a different mental state, things would be different. Fuck Her!
I can tell you that I myself could have done things differently that may have created things differently. Fuck Me!
What I truly know is that when it all started, I heard a very loud voice in my head that said “Do not resist, do not fight it, if you do, only frustration will come”
So I listened to that voice as much as I could and this is where life truly gets interesting.
This is where all the ass clowns leave or I leave them and life truly becomes authentic.
This is where I get to say, "Fuck all of you now and forever".
A New Life Begins.